Beatrix is a full-blown cuddle monster. No bear hug is ever too tight, no snuggle session too long, and she treats cozy time like it’s an Olympic sport. Her absolute bliss is curling up under a blanket with a good story, sinking into that warm, drowsy space where everything feels safe. But the real star of her cuddle kingdom? Patrick, her loyal stuffed bunny and constant snuggle buddy. Whether she’s wrapped up in giggles or drifting off to sleep, Patrick is tucked right there under her arm, part mascot, part best friend, all comfort.

$750

Belinda might seem like the girliest girl to ever grace the street—bows, sparkles, the whole nine yards—but don’t let the pastel exterior fool you. The second she laces up her cleats, she’s a straight-up wrecking ball on the rugby field. No opponent too big, no scrum too rough, no bruise too gnarly. She thrives on the clash, lives for the mud, and somehow manages to walk off the pitch looking like she just stepped out of a boutique. Belinda is equal parts bow and brawler, and she’s got the trophies (and black eyes) to prove it.

$400

AUCTION: Bobby has a budding obsession with engineering, the kind of kid who dismantles the toaster just to “see how it works” and then somehow reassembles it with an extra screw left over. He daydreams about building his own airplane one day, sketching out impossible blueprints on the backs of math homework. His curiosity is boundless, and his energy practically crackles around him—sometimes thanks to his not-so-secret candy stash fueling the late-night tinkering. If you hear the sound of rattling bolts and crinkling candy wrappers, odds are Bobby’s at it again.

Caspian is the ultimate beach bum, and he leans into it so hard it’s practically his brand. He knows the tides like other people know their Wi-Fi passwords, owns more beach towels than he has friends, and his shell collection is starting to look like a hoarder’s starter pack. Sand follows him like glitter at a craft fair—car, bed, kitchen counter—you name it. He genuinely cannot fathom why anyone would willingly live away from the ocean, and if you suggest it, he’ll look at you like you’ve just insulted his mother. For Caspian, the sea is church, and sunscreen is communion.

$1,800

Cesar is a natural-born teacher, the kind who can turn even the most distracted, pencil-flinging kid into a wide-eyed learner. He’s got the patience of a saint and the showmanship of a stage performer, pulling kids into lessons they didn’t even know they wanted. No mountain is too high, no lesson plan too convoluted—Cesar commands a classroom like a boss, with equal parts authority and charisma. Students follow his lead not because they have to, but because he makes them believe that learning is the coolest gig in town.

$300

Corky loves to dance, and not in that “cut loose when no one’s looking” kind of way. He wants the audience, the spotlight, and the applause, every single time. For him, every beat is a cue, every floor is a stage, and every bystander is a captive audience whether they signed up or not. He’ll happily throw himself into the middle of a wedding reception, the cereal aisle, or the sidewalk if there’s even a hint of rhythm in the air. A born showman to the nth degree, Corky doesn’t just dance—he performs.

$350

Dani is a dog walker and a bona fide encyclopedia of canine behavior, rattling off breed quirks and training tips like she wrote the book. Lately, she’s found herself blowing up on social media thanks to her epic hiking videos: think sweeping mountain views, a pack of pups trotting behind her, and Dani narrating like David Attenborough if he had a serious thing for Labradors. Each hike turns into a mini masterclass on why terriers dig, why huskies howl, and why pugs… just sit there wheezing. The followers eat it up, and the dogs couldn’t care less—they’re just in it for the snacks.

$300

Dennis is a lawyer by trade, and he’s got the sharp suits, polished shoes, and commanding presence to prove it—often the most put-together and intimidatingly professional person in the room. Colleagues and opponents alike respect his precision and poise in the courtroom. But peel back the sleek exterior and you’ll find the heart of an old-school punk. Dennis still knows his way around a mosh pit, can shred on a skateboard with more style than half the teenagers at the park, and has a vinyl collection so massive it borders on a fire hazard. The duality is half his charm.

$750

Doreen lives for Fridays and her weekly date with The Great British Baking Show. There’s nothing she loves more than the gentle drama of a soggy bottom, the pure joy of hearing contestants call cookies “biscuits,” and the delight of those rolling British accents. She swoons at the nervous giggles, gasps at the unexpected wins, and—don’t even get her started on Paul Hollywood. That steely stare, that handshake… she’ll tell you it’s ridiculous, but her friends know she’s secretly waiting for her own Hollywood handshake, even if it’s just for a tray of Pillsbury rolls.

$300

Earl has got a bone to pick with just about everyone, from the mailman to the kid next door chewing too loud. “Grumpy old man” fits him perfectly—except Earl’s still a kid. While most kids are begging for screen time or trading Pokémon, he’s already rolling his eyes, sighing like he’s lived through three wars, and asking why no one respects tradition anymore. Some call him an old soul, but let’s be honest: he’s just prematurely bitter and auditioning early for his future career as the neighborhood crank.

$725

Edna has an opinion about everything—you don’t even have to ask, she’ll tell you anyway. She’s perpetually annoyed, perpetually overwhelmed, and forever ready to unload her hot takes on whoever’s within earshot. Whether it’s the neighbor’s lawn, the line at the grocery store, or the “idiots” on TV, Edna’s got commentary queued up and ready to fire. She’ll sigh loudly, roll her eyes, and launch into a rant at the drop of a hat. The thing is, she delivers it all with such sharp timing and blunt honesty that people can’t help but laugh, even as they pretend to roll their eyes. And while she’s exhausting, she’s also kind of addictive—you always want to hear what she’s going to complain about next.

$700

Ernie’s done, tapped out, finished with the nonsense. He can’t keep up with a world that never sleeps and seems to run on outrage, and frankly he doesn’t want to. When did it become normal for people to bark their opinions instead of actually talking like grown-ups? Ernie’s not nostalgic for some golden past—he’s not asking for a time machine—but he would very much appreciate if everyone could just turn the volume down and maybe use their indoor voices. He’s not cranky, he’s just… exhausted by the permanent megaphone.

$375

Esau is a walking ball of nerves wrapped in fur. He’s forever second-guessing himself—was his voice booming when he said hello, is his coat looking a little patchy today, did he just make a complete fool of himself by blurting “you too!” when the barista thanked him? (Yes, yes he did, and now he’ll replay it in his head for the next week.) Still, his anxious charm has a way of making him oddly lovable—like the guy who’s perpetually embarrassed but somehow always endears himself anyway.

$350

Garrett doesn’t just like Halloween—he’s built an entire personality around it. For him, it’s not a holiday but a lifestyle: the decorations, the pumpkin spice haze in the air, the sheer joy of fistfuls of candy. He stockpiles fog machines and fake cobwebs like survival gear, and his garage looks like a Spirit Halloween exploded in it. The best part? He still tricks or treats, shamelessly tagging along with his kids when he can talk them into letting him, insisting it’s all “for them” while pocketing the 100,000 Grand bars and Kit Kats for himself.

$2,000

Hazel works at the local clinic and somehow manages to be both the warmest person in the room and the one you absolutely don’t want to cross. Her innate kindness has a gravitational pull—patients trust her instantly—but she’s also got a sixth sense for nonsense and no time for it. Whether it’s a pushy pharma rep or someone trying to skip the line, Hazel shuts it down with the kind of calm, cutting efficiency that leaves everyone wondering how she did it with just a raised eyebrow and a clipboard.

$400

AUCTION: Hildy likes her solitude and has made peace with her almost hermit-like life. To her, being alone isn’t lonely, it’s luxurious—more time to soak in the things she actually cares about: slow, meandering walks through the woods, steaming mugs of tea overloaded with honey, and the layered chorus of bird calls drifting in through the trees. She doesn’t mind her eccentricities either, like leaving her bedroom window open in the middle of winter, just to feel the crisp air on her face as she drifts off to sleep. For Hildy, the frost, the silence, and the stillness aren’t hardships—they’re freedom, a life lived entirely on her own terms.

Iolanthe can’t help but put a positive spin on things. She knows her upbeat style can be annoying, but she just doesn’t see the point in concentrating on the bad when there’s so much to be joyful about. If the bus is late, she calls it “bonus daydream time.” If her toast burns, it’s “extra crunchy.” Even when life hands her a mess, she’ll grin and insist it’s “just character building.” She’s basically unshakable sunshine—whether you like it or not.

$750

Jett is the kid that makes other parents nervous before he even opens his mouth—something about that twinkle of mischief in his eye and the way he vibrates with boundless, unchecked energy. Teachers brace for impact, babysitters demand hazard pay, and playground equipment quietly fears for its life. His family, though, knows the truth: Jett’s destined to do something stupid at least twice a day, but he’s also the one with the biggest heart in the room. They cut him some slack because underneath the scrapes, grass stains, and questionable ideas, he’s pure gold.

$725

Karina likes things to be just right. And by “just right” she means her way. That vase belongs in that corner, that coffee table book must be lined up perfectly, and no—you cannot put your drink on the table unless it’s on a coaster (and even then she’s watching). Her whole apartment looks like a Scandinavian design catalog—minimalist lines, pale wood, muted tones—except it’s policed with the vigilance of a museum curator. Friends joke that she should hand out white gloves at the door, because if you move something an inch, Karina will smile, wait until you look away, and quietly fix it.

$300

Levi is completely smitten with the sea—if it swims, slithers, or glows in the abyss, he’s fascinated. He’ll happily rattle off facts about anglerfish or wax poetic about bioluminescence, dreaming of being the first to glimpse a new creature lurking in the black depths. His ultimate bucket-list items? Hanging out with a dolphin buddy and riding in one of those deep-dive submarines. The only problem: Levi’s wildly claustrophobic. So, for now, he settles for aquariums and nature docs, pressing his face to the glass and pretending he’s braver than he actually is.

$450

If you look up “dork” in the dictionary, it’s Luis. He’s unapologetically into D&D, science fairs, and speaks fluent Klingon like it’s no big deal. He’ll happily explain the finer points of dice probability over lunch, or debate warp drive theory like it’s a current political issue. His bedroom looks like Comic-Con threw up in it—posters, figurines, a shelf of science trophies—and he’s proud of every inch. What should make him awkward actually makes him magnetic, because Luis is utterly at home in his own skin, and that confidence makes him downright irresistible.

$450

Miche has got your number—or at least he thinks he does. He’ll happily interrupt you mid-sentence to declare what you really meant, or inform you how you actually feel, like some smug self-appointed emotional translator. Conversations with him can feel like sparring matches, except he’s convinced he’s already won before you’ve thrown a punch. His confidence borders on absurd, strutting around as though being a know-it-all were a public service. What softens the blow, though, is that wicked wit and that killer smile, both sharp enough to take the sting out of his relentless commentary.

$450

Millburn is the definition of nouveau riche indulgence, a man who believes subtlety is a disease and wealth should be screamed, not whispered. His home is a shrine to gold: gold-encrusted toilets, gold banisters, gold-plated toothbrushes—if it can be gilded, Millburn’s got it. He’s the kind of guy who thinks champagne fountains are a necessity, not a luxury, and casually drops the phrase “imported marble” at dinner parties. Critics might call it tacky, but Millburn just smirks from his leather throne chair (Italian, obviously) and reminds them: taste is temporary, but opulence is forever.

$425

Ramone has always dreamed of the turquoise shimmer of Caribbean waters, flipping through every glossy travel brochure he can get his hands on and religiously following influencers who seem to live on yachts and sun-drenched beaches. Trouble is, he hasn’t booked the ticket yet—his passport might be gathering more dust than stamps. To keep the dream alive, he spends hours wandering aquariums, gazing at the tanks as if they’re windows into the life he’s convinced he’s destined for. For now, it’s clownfish and stingrays instead of cocktails and snorkeling, but hey—it’s something.

$1400

Regina is absolutely smitten, and not with a person but with her new obsession: dyeing and grooming poodles into full-blown art pieces. What started as a quirky hobby has turned into her entire personality—think neon mohawks, rainbow swirls, even seasonal costumes worked into their cuts. It seeps into every water cooler conversation, hijacks every casual chat, and even worms its way into her email sign-offs… “Best, Regina—currently perfecting a Monet-inspired poodle”

$375

Thiago is winning at life, at least by his own definition. He landed his dream gig as a stay-at-home dad and runs the household like a pro. There isn’t a dad joke he won’t deliver—usually with a groan-inducing grin—and his PTA cupcakes are legendary (even if he forgets to sign up until the last minute). Between mastering the carpool shuffle, knowing which kid likes their sandwich crusts cut off, and being the undefeated champion of bedtime story voices, Thiago has turned domestic tribulations into something that looks suspiciously like competence.

$750

Tina Louise is a chatterbox and a dyed-in-the-wool extrovert, the kind of person who can make friends in a stalled elevator or start a full-blown therapy session in the checkout line. Thankfully, she works the morning shift at a high-volume coffee shop, where her endless banter and lightning-fast wit have made her something of a local legend. Patrons don’t just come for the caffeine—they come for her commentary, killer outfits, and her expertly curated playlists that somehow always hit the mood just right. Loud, stylish, caffeinated—Tina Louise is her own kind of espresso shot.

$400

Walt is a systems analyst to his bones, and it shows in everything he does. He’s basically a walking spreadsheet with legs. While others might say “sure, let’s try it,” Walt has already drawn up three scenarios, a decision tree, and a backup plan in case of locusts. He can tell you the odds of your dinner order arriving cold, the probability that your date ghosts you, and why your vacation flight is statistically destined to be delayed. Ask him a simple yes-or-no question, and you’ll probably get a TED Talk with charts. And yet, somehow, people still end up asking him anyway—maybe because Walt’s weirdly charming in his obsession with logic, or maybe because he usually ends up being right.

$500